Hanging on a Moment
by donmaribello
Summary: She's loved him since he saved her. Too bad he'll never know. (Role-reversal.)
1. Chapter 1

She waits on the second step outside the door, while Mr. Mellark comes back with his exchange of the trade.

She watches the wear on the toe of her boot briefly, and looks up just in time to catch a glimpse of _him._

He passes through the kitchen door inside and toward the direction of the front of the bakery. He's carrying a tray with freshly baked loaves of bread on it. The warm steam still escaping them.

Her eyes follow his movement, until he disappears out of sight as quickly as he emerged.

Her heart beats a little faster with the thought he'll pass back any minute.

A few minutes pass. The door that leads to the front of the bakery swings open, but it's not him.

Mr. Mellark comes back carrying her burlap sack and the bakery's unwanted bread in it.

"Sorry for the long wait Katniss. I added a sugar cookie in there," he says handing it to her.

She opens it to find a single delicately designed cookie on top of the day-stale loaves. She frowns.

"Mr. Mellark this wasn't part of the deal," she tells him.

"It's just a cookie," he responds calmly.

"I can't accept it," she asserts.

"But it is not for you to accept, Katniss. It's a late birthday gift for Primrose," he smiles at her.

She debates taking it seconds too long, but just nods.

All she can say is a simple, "Thank you."

"Anything else I can do for you?"

 _Tell your son I'm in love with him._

"No, this is more than enough, Mr. Mellark. Thank you," she says instead.


	2. Chapter 2

She sits next to Gale, sharing a meager lunch break from hunting.

The sun is the highest in the sky and the shade is cool unlike their conversation.

She listens, he talks.

"I don't understand why people allow it."

"Power is in the majority. How can we allow Capitol scum to dictate our lives?"

She watches two birds fly in the distance.

"We allow it, because we fear the alternative," she says.

"Which is?" he asks.

"Death."

Gale rips blades of grass from the ground and throws them across his legs extended in front of him.

"Yeah well... Happy 74th Hunger Games" he mutters sarcastically.

Katniss thinks of Prim and her only entry.

She'll do everything to keep it that way.

As to her own, she's lost count.

She doesn't wonder how many Peeta has. She knows.

She knows everything about him.

She's been silently watching him since the day in the rain.

She'll never know why he did it.

Maybe out of pity.

But she has loved him since.

Four years of hoping his name is not called.

Even when he's never given her a second look.

Gale picks up his verbal tirade.

She hugs her knees and settles her chin above them.


	3. Chapter 3

It rains that morning and it's fitting.

A gloomy forecast for the somber occasion.

She touches the only framed photograph of her father, while she waits for Prim to finish her bath.

The shared water will be cold and murkier by the time she gets in.

" _It's okay_ ," she thinks while staring at her father's face.

There are worse sacrifices to make.

* * *

They walk along with the rest of the Seam kids heading to town.

The closer they get to the Justice Building, the slower Prim walks.

Katniss looks down at her, squeezing her hand in comfort.

Prim eyes get larger at the sight of Peacekeepers.

Katniss comes to a complete stop in front of her and kneels down to her eye level.

"Hey, everything is going to be fine," she says.

Prim has tears of fear welling in her eyes.

"I'm scared Katniss," she responds.

"Prim it won't be you," Katniss assures her.

"How do you know," her little sister questions, her voice cracking.

"I promise you," she says without hesitation.

Prim stares back with watery eyes.

"Promise?"

Katniss pulls her into a hug and after when she fixes Prim's untucked shirt she answers, "I do little Duck. I promise."

* * *

The video projectors run the annual propaganda.

The only living victor of District 12 is a drunken fool.

And the Capitol lady is ridiculous with her color bleeding ensemble.

Not even her magenta embroidering can distract the crowd from its foreboding.

Katniss stands with the girls her age, eyes on the ground.

A hunter's strategy.

She uses her sense of hearing to concentrate, not allowing her vision to distract her.

The woman announces the gender to be picked first.

Katniss tilts her head slightly, prepared to acutely hear the name to be called.

Her own name with a high probability.

A few minutes pass as the woman deliberately lingers.

"Primrose Everdeen!"

* * *

She's too focused to think it's a mistake.

It's the disbelief that freezes her.

It's not until she catches glimpse of her sister's untucked shirt moving forward that she reacts.

"Prim," she all but whispers.

She takes shaky steps toward the stage.

 _I promised._

"Prim!" she yells louder.

She runs forward, "Prim!"

Two peacekeepers from the four escorting Prim head her way.

Just when they are about to get a grip of her arms she keeps her promise, "I volunteer! I volunteer as a tribute!"

There's commotion all around her, the motionless of the Peacekeepers, the shock among the crowd, and the excitement on stage.

All she can do is watch her sister walk off stage and run back to the safety of her own arms.

Prim can't say anything, she just cries her name.

"Katniss!"

She doesn't promise that everything will be fine this time.

"You're okay. You're okay." She repeats.

 _That's all that matters._

The Peacekeepers grow impatient and start pulling Prim out of Katniss's arms.

She sees Gale approaching and pushes Prim his way instead.

"Take her to my mom Gale!"

He reaches Prim and carries her away, she cries and tries to resist.

From then on it is all a blur.

She's walked onto the stage. The Capitol woman asks her name, she answers. The woman asks her relation to Prim, she answers. She asks something about district pride, she answers with only the obvious. The woman asks the crowd for applause, she's answered with silent gestures.

It's after this the woman proceeds rather quickly with the next reaping.

Katniss sulks in her thoughts.

She keeps her eyes on the ground.

She's strategizing again.

Her immediate goal is to leave Prim taken care of.

Gale can bring her family game. They can make cheese from Lady's milk. They can trade that.

Her next goal is to determine her chances of survival. First, she needs to know who her district opponent is.

She looks up just as the woman reads the name.

"Peeta Mellark!"

* * *

The hopeful resilience she was building in the last minutes diminishes.

She searches the crowd, her eyes instinctively knowing where the group of boys his age stands.

An old familiar panic of having no control over her life settles in the pit of her stomach.

She watches his stunned expression as he is escorted onto the stage.

He doesn't make eye contact with her as he answers the woman's questions.

Her hands begin to shake at the realization that this is happening.

She stops watching him and looks to the ground again.

It's a mental tactic her dad taught her, " _Slow down time, rationalize your outcomes."_

It doesn't work.

She's been here once before, the last instant of trying before giving up completely.

Peeta saved her last time.

Time has never been her friend and in this moment it disobliging speeds up.

She's being talked to, so she looks up.

She's being told to shake hands with Peeta.

And for the first time he looks directly at her.

She doesn't know how to interpret his gaze, but she offers her hand first.

He delays long seconds in taking it.

For all the other emotions she had since Prim's name was called, in that nanosecond she feels hurt by the indifference.

She feels him quickly retract his hand and watches his sullen eyes looking out at the crowd.

She closes her eyes, she's about to give up, because she becomes very aware that there is no win-win conclusion for her.

She loves him with something like desperation and everything gratitude.

From here forward, she loses either way whether she dies or makes it out alive by some miracle.

He wins, she is dead.

She wins, he's dead.

It makes her mind go very quiet.


End file.
